Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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