I just pynch a tree in the face
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
