He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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