My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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