Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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