Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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