well you can't waste a boner
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
