That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
