It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
