P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
