ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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