I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to calm my uterus...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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