mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
