life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
