wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
