that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
