To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
