He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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