I wish life had little blips of pornography
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
