As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
