Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
