Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
