It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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