There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found your dick twin last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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