drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
