Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
