"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
