either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
