Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
