is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
