you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
