my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
