You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
