Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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