Plan B is the new Plan A
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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