Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
