i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
