Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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