remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
