Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
