genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
