We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
