I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
