new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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