You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
