I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
