youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
