that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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