I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
