He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
