She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
