Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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